In the practice of Elder Care Law, we often find ourselves focused on the tangible: wills, trusts, advance directives, long-term care planning, and the preservation of assets. These are essential tools for elder care law planning—necessary, precise, and often urgent. But after almost three decades of sitting across conference tables from older adults and their families, one truth becomes impossible to ignore: the most valuable protections we can offer are not always legal instruments. Sometimes, they are as simple—and as profound—as a hug and a kiss.
Aging brings with it a gradual narrowing of the world. Friends pass away, mobility declines, and independence can erode in ways that are both visible and subtle. What remains constant, however, is the human need for connection. Physical expressions of affection—appropriate, welcome, and genuine—can provide reassurance that no document can replicate. They communicate presence, dignity, and love in a language that does not require interpretation.
From a legal perspective, we are trained to mitigate risk and plan for incapacity during elder law care planning. Yet emotional well-being is deeply intertwined with many of the outcomes we care about. An example was a meeting I had two weeks ago with a mother and her son.
The mother had been a resident of a local assisted living community for the past five years. She very much enjoyed living in the assisted living community and was looking forward to continuing to live there. However, most of her savings have been spent on paying for assisted living over the past several years. Specifically, they were concerned about the negative effect of approximately $50,000 of gifts from the mother to her family members over the past five years, during the “Medicaid look back”. Even though the mother had a deep accent, and I had some difficulty understanding her English, I could tell the gifting was weighing on her. Her son advised that his mother was concerned that she could not remain in the assisted living community she so much enjoyed.
After reviewing the facts, I determined that the mother had about 1.5 years of assets and income remaining to pay for her care before she would need to rely on Medicaid coverage. Moreover, I advised that gifting the monies should not be a major issue, as that would only delay Medicaid eligibility by a few months. After spending just 30 minutes with the mother and son, I advised them to consider contacting our office in about a year to begin the Medicaid application process if needed. The mom then proceeded to rise from her chair and unexpectedly hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. In lieu of just the 30-minute consultation, I decided the hug and kiss were compensation enough, and I waived the consultation fee.
A well-crafted estate plan provides structure. A hug and a kiss provide meaning. Both matter. But only one can be felt in the moment, and sometimes, that is what matters most.
