Francis Bacon once said, “It is as natural to die as to be born.” Does the thought of that make you uncomfortable? If it does, you are not alone. Death is a very uncomfortable subject for many people. The fact that we will die someday is one thing we all have in common, so why are we so uncomfortable thinking and talking about death? As a care coordinator at Rothkoff Law Group, I work with many clients and families around end-of-life issues. I recently completed the End-of-Life Doula course through the International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA). One of my goals as an end-of-life doula is to approach the issue of talking about death directly. Planning for the end of life is empowering, can help the dying person clarify feelings about their life, and can help the journey and grief process for loved ones. So, what is an end-of-life doula, and what do they do?

The word ‘doula’ comes from ancient Greek, meaning “a woman who serves.” You may be familiar with a birthing doula. A birthing doula refers to a professional trained to provide emotional, physical, and informational support to a woman throughout their pregnancy, birth, and early postpartum period. An end-of-life doula can be looked at similarly but at the other end of the spectrum of life. An end-of-life doula is trained to provide emotional, spiritual, and physical support as well as education about the dying process to the dying person and their loved ones. Essentially, a birthing doula guides a person into this world, while an end-of-life doula guides a person out of this world.

Services an end-of-life doula can provide to a dying person and their loved ones include:

  • Planning a vigil
  • Exploring meaning and working through feelings of regrets, unfinished business, guilt, and shame
  • Conducting a vigil
  • Assisting loved ones through the grief journey
  • Provide education
  • Advocacy

An end-of-life doula may assist the dying person and help their loved ones prepare for a vigil. The vigil plan will incorporate the wishes of the dying person, the needs of their loved ones, cultural and spiritual elements, traditions, and life experiences. The doula will then, at the end of life, conduct the vigil and advocate for the plan that was designed by the dying person.

At the end of life, it is natural for the dying person to question the meaning of their life along with having feelings of regret, unfinished business, guilt, and shame. The end-of-life doula will use different techniques and projects to help the dying person work through these feelings. When a dying person can do this type of work, it can help them form a deeper understanding and acceptance of their life, which may allow them to die more peacefully.

Throughout the entire end-of-life journey, the end-of-life doula will provide education on the signs and symptoms of different stages of the dying process. They will also work with the dying person and their loved ones to connect with appropriate resources such as hospice, home health aides, spiritual advisors, and grief counseling.

End-of-life planning is such an important aspect of care. It is something we should be discussing and normalizing so that the wishes of the dying person are discussed, acknowledged, and met. An end-of-life doula understands that the end of life deserves as much beauty, care, and respect as the beginning of life.